Totally bragging

When Lego uses the bathroom, he does the following routine:

1. Turns on the light
2. Closes the door
3. Lifts the lid and the toilet seat
4. Pees standing up
5. Closes the lid and seat
6. Flushes
7. Turns off the light
8. Closes the door behind him so Daniel can’t get into trouble in the bathroom

If only we could consistently get him to wash his hands afterward, I’d be in heaven. As it is, I know more than a few men who don’t do the routine as well as he does. Oh, and ever since he started going standing up, I have never found pee on the seat or the floor or anywhere it shouldn’t be.

You get what you pay for.

Less than three weeks ago, I was in Payless looking for church shoes for Lego when I saw that a whole bunch of their flip flops were on clearance for $3 and $5. I assumed that they were perfectly good shoes (for Payless), but that they were marked down so low just because summer was ending.

Seeing as how my current flip flops were in terrible shape, I bought a pair of simple metallic silver ones for $3. I wore them for the rest of the day, and by evening, my right big toe had rubbed off the silver paint, revealing dark brown or black beneath. Classy.

The next day, I had a matching spot on the left sandal, except this one was white. They didn’t even match. Apparently they just had a whole bunch of extra flip-flop bottoms left over in the factory, so they spray-painted them in metallic colors without even making sure each pair’s left shoe’s underlying color matched the right’s.

Each day I wore them, the rubbed-off part became larger until there was a large, smudgy foot-shaped spot on each. When they’re on my feet, the spot doesn’t show terribly much, and since I do like to wear flip flops around the yard in the summer, I’ve continued to wear them anyway.

Until today, when the thong part detached from the shoe bottom.

This has got to be a new record for the fastest a pair of shoes has worn out (19 days, to be exact). I wanted to take a picture to show you all how these sandals look at least a year old.

I’d complain, but then, I did only spend $3 on them. Oh, wait. I’m still complaining.